A Place Where I Fit as a Woman in the Church

The future of the gospel includes a multiplicity of voices bearing witness to the kingdom of God... and these voices are most reflective of the good news when they remain who they are.

I was raised in a main line congregation. In my middle school years, my local congregation began to fight the battle to see women become elders, against the wishes of the national denomination. Campaigns, prayer meetings, slogans, angry voices, and a few candlelight vigils later, we had some female elders… called ‘adjunct elders.’ It was a hard-won victory, and as a teenager, I’m quite certain I missed most of the nuances and complex emotions involved on all fronts.

I was proud of my mother’s appointment as one of the first adjunct elders because I knew how important it was to her. But I was also a bit confused about the difference between men and women. According to my mom, the difference was that women did everything men did, but did it better, smarter, and more efficiently. I was always a bit too ‘girly’ for my mother’s liking… and the women I saw leading the church after this initial victory seemed to reflect a more aggressive and dominant type of woman than I was sure I wanted to be. No offense to them... they were used to having to fight to be heard.

In college, I lost my faith almost entirely. I flirted with gender roles I hadn’t been encouraged to play in my feminist home, got my heart broken and emerged more ‘angry-woman-hear-me-roar’ than I had been before.

As I was wooed back into the Church in my early 20s, it would make sense that I would end up in a feminist denomination… so you’ll be just as puzzled as I was to find that I wound up in a neo-reformed community (before neo-reformed was a label) that embraced traditional gender roles lovingly drawn by the likes of Douglas Wilson. Let me repeat that… lovingly drawn. I really did receive these understandings of men and women as love… because gender differences were finally celebrated in ways I had never heard them distinguished, let alone cherished.

But eventually, I realized the conundrum I was in. In hindsight, I think I had always known God was calling me to serve His Church. But, as a young woman, I hadn’t wanted to be the more aggressive women I had seen leading in my experience of main line churches and so I didn't see how I fit there. Later, I was told I couldn’t lead in the church because of my gender, and so how could I acknowledge a call to something that seemed unbiblical? Strong and incredibly gifted women were everywhere I looked in that community… but not in the pulpit, not as pastor.

And so, as grateful as I was (and continue to be for both of these faith communities and how they have shaped me), I wondered… where do I fit? What is God calling me to? I don’t believe women are superior. I don’t believe men are superior. I don’t believe men and women need to deny their gendered bodies or be androgynous. I still receive headship in my marriage as a good and loving thing. 

I ALSO believe men and women stand as equals before God, are equally gifted by the Holy Spirit, and are equally needed to proclaim the good news to all nations and faithfully participate in the mission of God’s kingdom.

In finding Life on the Vine, which joined Ecclesia Network, and now the Missio Alliance, I am finding where I fit. Yes, there are still a lot of white men in leadership… but they’re not content for it to stay that way. This is a place where women don’t have to become men in order to participate. This is a place where neither women nor men have superiority complexes. This is a place where women are invited, encouraged, supported, and celebrated as women. This is a place where gender in the Church and in the kingdom is being explored… authentically, honestly, humbly, prayerfully, faithfully.

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